Runs in the Family

By: Haley Kirkpatrick

 

I am a Birth Mom. I placed my little girl for adoption when I was 15 years old. This was not my first encounter with adoption, though. When I was a 10 years old, my mom was suddenly facing an unplanned pregnancy as a divorced, single mom of 5 children. My Mom is a Birth Mom. She placed my half-brother 14 years ago.

I guess you could say being a Birth Mom runs in the family? Or the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? I’m not sure how to describe it, but I can tell you that it is a very unique situation, a situation that I am very grateful to be a part of.

When I found out I was expecting a child at 15 years old, I was terrified, to say the very least. My mind was a complete ball of questions, worries, and fear. My Mother is the one who calmed all of that. She never yelled at me for my unplanned pregnancy, she never said harsh things about the decisions I had made to lead me to my pregnancy, she only had kind, loving, and concerned remarks for me. I cannot imagine her handling it any better than she did.

The day I found out, she was the first person I told. She rushed home from work to find me sobbing in my bed. I remember her rubbing my back, crying, telling me that everything was going to be okay. We were going to make it through this. She presented my options to me, adoption, parenting, or abortion. She never pushed any of these options on me; she presented them all with the same love and care and let me be the one to make the decision. She never ever forced adoption on me, but I can say that without her example, I probably never would have decided on adoption.

I watched my Mother give birth to a beautiful little boy. A little boy that I knew I would not call my Brother. She lovingly placed him in the arms of another woman and it was an amazing thing to be a part of. My mom always kept things so positive during her pregnancy. She simply told us that a family was unable to have a baby, so she was using her belly to grow one for them.

I took that mentality into my adoption experience. Yes, I knew this was MY child, but once I had selected a family, I really did see this as their baby. It did not make my pain any less, but I knew that this is where she belonged. My Mom was by my side throughout my entire adoption journey. She went to every appointment, every meeting with my social worker, all of it. She was my saving grace. But, the thing I appreciate the most about my Mother's support was that she never once sugar coated what I was about to go through. She told me from the moment that I decided to make an adopt ion plan, that it would be the hardest thing I ever did. She told me about the pain, about the loss, about the life long grief I would feel, but I went ahead anyway, and she completely supported that.
I feel as though I had an advantage to some expectant parents who decide to place. I went into placement ready, ready for the pain. My mom had prepared me and I knew that it was not going to be easy. Now, as a mother myself, I cannot imagine how my mom must have felt watching me sign those papers. I know that every inch of her must have been hurting. I could never watch my daughter go through something that I know would cause her so much hurt, but my mom did…she put her feelings aside and allowed me to make this decision completely on my own. A decision that not only broke her daughter’s heart, but that took away her first Grandbaby.

My Mother is my super hero and I will never be able to thank her enough for her amazing leading example in my life. Our adoption journeys have been completely different, but knowing that I have her there on the bad days, there to comfort me and completely understand how I feel, what more could I ask for?

Source: Students for Life of America