Last week I blogged on the televangelist Pat Robertson's comments regarding those who are married to spouses, who suffer from Alzheimer's disease. He advised that husband's and or wives, divorce these afflicted spouses, after seeing to it that they at least have "custodial" care, so they can go off to live their own lives unencumbered by their demented other. His words were, "the spouse you were married to all those years, the person you knew, is just gone, they're gone, gone", relegating sufferers of Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia to mere zombies, living bodies with no soul.
Today, I would like to add to this report, with once again, some of my own personal perceptions and reflections. Christian marriage was always understood to be a life-long commitment, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, etc. Of course today, that understanding has been sadly lost with the onset of divorce, and even Catholic annulments. But I believe the whole crux of the problem lie in the understanding of the word commitment, and what that entails.
When I was a kid, as with many kids, I wanted a pet; in my case a cat. Most kids who want a pet, have very little understanding of what is entailed in the possession of their furry or feathered friend; and more often than not, a parent becomes the custodial person for an animal, whose novelty has worn off with its' child owner. The biggest job of the parent, in allowing their child to have a pet, is holding the child to an accountability of "commitment". Unfortunately, as this many times turns into too much work for most of us parents, it becomes easier to simply take over the care and feeding of junior's pet. This, unfortunately, leaves the child unable to learn a valuable lesson.
Now, carry this lesson on into the realm of human relationships, and the stakes become higher, as the understanding of "commitment" is even more crucial in making decisions regarding a spouse or any other relative. Pat Robertson's remarks not only shock and appall, but horrify, sensitive and responsible people everywhere. So, here is my response to Mr. Robertson's view on Alzheimer's spouses. It is a beautiful example that was shown to me of marital love, and commitment, which I will never forget.
One evening, at a school function for my youngest daughter, I was manning the hallways as the school secretary, helping people find their child's classrooms, etc. It was a family function, so many grandparents were also present. As I stood by some children's lockers, a very elderly couple approached me, with the husband making a request of me. He had his arm around his wife, who seemed completely disoriented though quite content, as he guided her along the hallway. His request was, "Would I mind standing outside the women's lavatory, and keep people from going in, while he assisted his mentally confused wife with her bathroom needs". I of course, was more than happy to oblige him, and stood sentry outside the door, while the old couple went in.
I will never forget this old couple; what an example of love they were to me. This old gentleman who so gently and lovingly held his arm around his wife, sweetly coaching her along into the lavatory, was a truer love to his beloved, than ever I had seen. She was grey-haired, as was he, and she was bent over, and not really comprehending much of what was going on around her. Who knows how well she knew, who this kindly gentleman was, who was assisting her along her way. Yet, he, like some chivalrous knight of old, held her tightly, as if she were the most precious of pearls. He seemed to have no concern for himself, even that she was vaguely aware of him, but only seemed so privileged to be there for the girl he had wed long ago, who had now grown old and was faltering in her steps, and in her mental faculties.
And I was reminded of a song from my parent's generation. I don't know how many of you will be old enough to know it. But here are the simple title and lyrics. It's called, "When You're old Wedding Ring was New". "When your old wedding ring was new - and each dream that I dreamed came true - I remember with pride - as you stood by my side - what a beautiful picture you made as my bride. Even though silver crowns your hair - I can still see the gold ringlets there. Love's old flame is the same, as the day I changed your name - when your old wedding ring was new."
I think that says it all Mr. Pat Robertson.
Today, I would like to add to this report, with once again, some of my own personal perceptions and reflections. Christian marriage was always understood to be a life-long commitment, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, etc. Of course today, that understanding has been sadly lost with the onset of divorce, and even Catholic annulments. But I believe the whole crux of the problem lie in the understanding of the word commitment, and what that entails.
When I was a kid, as with many kids, I wanted a pet; in my case a cat. Most kids who want a pet, have very little understanding of what is entailed in the possession of their furry or feathered friend; and more often than not, a parent becomes the custodial person for an animal, whose novelty has worn off with its' child owner. The biggest job of the parent, in allowing their child to have a pet, is holding the child to an accountability of "commitment". Unfortunately, as this many times turns into too much work for most of us parents, it becomes easier to simply take over the care and feeding of junior's pet. This, unfortunately, leaves the child unable to learn a valuable lesson.
Now, carry this lesson on into the realm of human relationships, and the stakes become higher, as the understanding of "commitment" is even more crucial in making decisions regarding a spouse or any other relative. Pat Robertson's remarks not only shock and appall, but horrify, sensitive and responsible people everywhere. So, here is my response to Mr. Robertson's view on Alzheimer's spouses. It is a beautiful example that was shown to me of marital love, and commitment, which I will never forget.
One evening, at a school function for my youngest daughter, I was manning the hallways as the school secretary, helping people find their child's classrooms, etc. It was a family function, so many grandparents were also present. As I stood by some children's lockers, a very elderly couple approached me, with the husband making a request of me. He had his arm around his wife, who seemed completely disoriented though quite content, as he guided her along the hallway. His request was, "Would I mind standing outside the women's lavatory, and keep people from going in, while he assisted his mentally confused wife with her bathroom needs". I of course, was more than happy to oblige him, and stood sentry outside the door, while the old couple went in.
I will never forget this old couple; what an example of love they were to me. This old gentleman who so gently and lovingly held his arm around his wife, sweetly coaching her along into the lavatory, was a truer love to his beloved, than ever I had seen. She was grey-haired, as was he, and she was bent over, and not really comprehending much of what was going on around her. Who knows how well she knew, who this kindly gentleman was, who was assisting her along her way. Yet, he, like some chivalrous knight of old, held her tightly, as if she were the most precious of pearls. He seemed to have no concern for himself, even that she was vaguely aware of him, but only seemed so privileged to be there for the girl he had wed long ago, who had now grown old and was faltering in her steps, and in her mental faculties.
And I was reminded of a song from my parent's generation. I don't know how many of you will be old enough to know it. But here are the simple title and lyrics. It's called, "When You're old Wedding Ring was New". "When your old wedding ring was new - and each dream that I dreamed came true - I remember with pride - as you stood by my side - what a beautiful picture you made as my bride. Even though silver crowns your hair - I can still see the gold ringlets there. Love's old flame is the same, as the day I changed your name - when your old wedding ring was new."
I think that says it all Mr. Pat Robertson.
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