What do Sperm-Donors and Starbucks Have in Common?

A recent movie starring America's sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, (who else) tells the story of a young woman who is thirty-something and single, who, fearing her biological clock will stop ticking, chooses sperm-donation as her ticket to motherhood. Treating the whole affair as if it were a wedding or baby shower, she even sends out cutsie little invitations to her insemination party.

Now, the plot thickens, as her long time commitment challenged love interest,  switches the sperm on her at the party. Because he is jealous and in a drunken state, he accidentally spills the sperm donor's jar, necessitating him having to replace the sperm with his own; which of course leads to a whole tangle in the plot. The old adage in old movies, was always, "boy gets girl, boy loses girl boy gets girl."  Now, it is more like,  "boy gets girl, boy switches sperm, boy loses his child and his girl".  But, of course, in typical Hollywood style, it is all sorted out in a little over an hour.

Of course, this is all meant to be a cutsie romantic comedy; and with Jennifer Aniston in the starring role, how could we think anything is wrong with any of it. How could America's darling ever be involved an anything distasteful ... or ... dare I say it, "immoral"?

A Swedish study in BJOG, an international journal of obstetrics and gynecology, says that donors are actually a cut-above the average Swedish male: "suffering less from uncertainty, shyness and fatigability", they have "a capacity to take responsibility, to behave in a goal-directed manner, to be resourceful and self-acceptant, and to behave in a manner guided by meaningful values and goals". In short, donors are "stable, mature and well-integrated".  What a crock!

Since the fall of mankind, men have wanted to deposit their sperm, without any responsibility attached. Now sperm donation offers men the perfect outlet to spread their "amazing genes", without having to commit to a mother. Jennifer Aniston's commitment-reluctant, but interested partner, leaves her no other option than to go about choosing a sperm-donor so that she can have a child. Obviously, the idea is that, men are not needed to really stick around, but merely sperminators, who spread their seeds like Johnny Appleseed, and then go their way, leaving their fruit behind them.

So I'm trying to figure out how this Swedish study comes up with such glowing attributes regarding these "sperminators". And what about the children of these Johnny Appleseeds? They are left behind like the apples on the ground, by these so called, "stable, mature and well-integrated", donors. What a perfect world for the male ego!  How has the feminist movement, with Jennifer Aniston as one of their most popular role models, helped women?  We are still at the bottom of the apple barrel.

Of course, in the end of the movie version about all this iniquity, Jennifer gets her man, due to his jealousy over her carrying another man's seed. The hapless would be sperm-donor discovers the child he thought he engendered, is not really his, because the spermatozoa was switched by a jealous lover.  In typical Hollywood fashion, all is well that ends well ...  Hollywood once again giving normalcy to an abomination!

In Nazi Germany, the Liebensborn program attempted this same type of horticulture of children, choosing the finest Arian male specimens to inseminate young German females. Nazi's hoped to create a new humanity... one free of imperfections ... one in where children could be harvested like pumpkins in a pumpkin patch. Well, today's new world of sperminators has certainly brought the Nazi's vision to fulfillment. Artificial insemination, sperm donors, surrogacy, egg donation, frozen embryos, the Nazi's would have been so proud of this brave new world.

With Jennifer Aniston's movie heroine, becoming a mother by artificially inseminating herself using sperm from a cup, we can pride ourselves that we have taken the Nazi vision to its' zenith.  SS Officers, had to actually have physical contact with the female recipient of their apple seeds. But today's sperminator can have his own website on an "online underground", offering his seeds without ever even meeting the would-be mother.  These websites and chat rooms have sprung up in order to connect women - mostly lesbians - with men ... aka ... sperminators.

A recent Newsweek article on the growth of sperm-donations, reported that one such transaction actually took place in none other than "Starbucks", using separate bathrooms. Imagine, you can now have your coffee and your sperms to go, in the same convenient paper cups. Dr. Mengeles you've been outdone.