Whose My Daddy? Sperm & Egg Donor Offspring & Primal Instincts

A cousin of my husband, had given her baby up for adoption when she was young. She had prayed for many years to one day find the child she had given up, when at long last, lo and behold, her child contacted her. She had wanted to find out who her mother and father were, when she herself became pregnant with her 1st child. The mother/child reunion was a blessed event, and something which clearly showed me, that even a child raised by loving adoptive parents, could nevertheless possess an inherent need to find out who their biological parents were ... where they came from?

In adoption, the identities of adoptive parents and children can be sealed for a lifetime, only being revealed upon the eventual request of the adopted child. Today, more people are opting for "open adoptions" where the adoptive parents and the biological parent maintain a continued contact. Contrarily, to date, the identities of egg and sperm donors, have been tightly guarded. Children like the daughter of my cousin, upon desiring to discover their biological parent, could not easily do so, in many cases not at all. Now, Washington has become the first state to breach the wall of anonymity of sperm and egg donors, which will guarantee that children conceived with gametes from Washington sperm banks and egg donation agencies, will be allowed access to their donor's medical histories and their full names, unless donors specifically opt out of being identified.

Sweden, Austria and the United Kingdom, have already abolished anonymous donations, and although the new Washington Law does not go as far as those nations, it is still a huge step in the right direction, offering many donor conceived children the answer to the question, which most kids ask at one time or another: "where did I come from?"

The recent Hollywood movie, "The Kids Are All Right", in which a lesbian couple with two kids from the same sperm donor won a Golden Globe, featured the struggle of the children who sought the identify of their father. Here is the conundrum when we attempt to circumvent nature, or more aptly, God's design for procreation. Who is thinking of the wants of the children in these scenarios? The children become mere commodities, to satisfy the need of the adult - an adult who is not necessarily looking forward to the child's future needs - but only their own momentary need.

Former egg donor and San Diego attorney Therese Erickson thinks that pushing for full disclosure of sperm and egg donors is a mistake. She draws up contracts between would-be parents and donors, and states, "There are a lot of men and women that just don't want their information out there." Well then, in my opinion, they should not be donating their family's DNA in the first place, when, that little clump of DNA might want to show up on their door one day.

Wendy Kramer, launched The Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) in 2000 when her own donor-conceived son, began asking questions about his roots, when he was 10 yrs. old. Getting no help from her sperm bank or fertility clinic, she took to the Web, and created a Yahoo Group where approximately 8,500 donor kids found half-siblings or donors. It took seven years for her own son to become the 2,910th person to locate a half-sibling; eventually leading him to connect with 5 other siblings, as well as his biological father and grandparents. Wow! Some family reunion!

More importantly, allowing donor children access to the medical histories of their donor parents, can be critical! Rebecca Blackwell, a genealogist from Frederick, Md, sought the identify of her son's donor when he was 18. The donor father himself never responded to her certified letter, in which she even included pictures of her son Tyler. Fortunately the donor father's sister finally contacted Blackwell, relaying the family medical history of a very serious and life threatening condition of aortic aneurysms. The donor father himself had nearly died from a ruptured aortic aneurysm, and his mother and two brothers were at risk as well. This is the the same "inherited" condition which killed Lucille Ball and more recently John Ritter. Blackwell's son Tyler underwent corrective surgery to prevent his own tragic death. But, had the biological aunt never reached out and shared this crucial medical history of the donor father's family, Blackwell would have never known that her son was at risk.

How are the rights of these children being respected or even considered in this push to satisfy would be parents? Does the pain of infertility, give us the right to completely disregard the progeny of our scientific muscle?

Is the ability to engender new life a right or a blessing? Has this age of entitlement given us the arrogance to believe that we can have whatever we want, however we want it, whenever we want it, at whatever cost to another? Does our attitude of entitlement give us the right to pervert the natural law - and disregard the needs of future generations?

Sea turtles crawl up on land and lay their eggs in the sand; afterward swimming back to the sea, seemingly abandoning their offspring. Yet, upon the baby sea turtles hatching, they immediately begin a mad dash back to the sea, from whence they came. It is apparently imprinted in their DNA, to return to their place of origin. Apparently that same instinct is imprinted on our human DNA, causing donor children to want to head back to their place of origin. We are interfering with deep primal instincts here ... imbued in us by our Creator.