A Safe Place Cont. - A Father Is Left Behind

I wish to continue today on my previous topic of fatherhood, and the other side of the aisle in the issue of vulnerability ... one that is particular to men - and how easily they can become, "a father who is left behind."

Previously I wrote on the vulnerability of a woman with child and the great role which the father plays in hers and the child's protection. Today I will write on the vulnerability of fathers, who choose not to protect the woman and her child, and the tragic effects of this sad choice. In the beginning, it is the mother and her child who will suffer the effects of the father's abandonment. But as time goes by this will change. Of course we all know that the mother has full legal right to dispose of the child, which the father has left behind, through abortion ... but today I will speak of another aspect here that affects the man ... and without naming names, I will refer to a true story to prove my point ... the story of a father who gets left behind.

A young woman made a bad first marriage, as often happens in life, as it is not always easy to see the true character of someone until after we've married them. Upon discovering her first pregnancy, this young woman was actually approached by the mother of her husband, who suggested abortion because she insisted that her son was not ready for fatherhood yet ... the poor lad. The young woman did not listen to her mother in law, and eventually had two children with her ne'er- do-well husband, who neglected and eventually abandoned her and her children. The young woman and her two children first sought a "Safe Place" in an Abused Woman's Shelter. She then turned to her own mother, who helped the young woman by babysitting for her two grandchildren, so that the young mother could go out and work to support herself and her kids. It was a long hard road and the young mother, who had once been a very self-reliant and independent young woman on her own, now found it considerably more difficult with two young children in tow. A Safe Place? The only Safe Place this young woman had during those dark years, was her own ever faithful mother.

The long hard years caused the young mother to become angry and discouraged many times. And if her own loneliness was not hard enough to bear - to add insult to injury - the father of her children kept getting out of paying child support, due to the high paid attorneys of his well-to-do mother. All the while he was allowed full access to the visitation of his children, while at the same time enjoying the lavish life-style of his well-to-do parents, who took him with them on expensive vacations to Hawaii and the like. The injustice of the situation drove the young mother to near despair many times. The loyalty of her own mother, her own faith in God, along with her own steadfast love for her two children, were her only weapons against this despair.

Though she maintained gainful employment at a good company, the young mother had long yearned for an opportunity to finish her degree - something which had been interrupted once she married. And one day she was given an opportunity to do just that, through a unique college program which accepted young mothers with children. So, she took the risk of quitting her solid job, and with her two children alongside, enrolled in a woman's college out east, where for two years she and they would live in a college dorm, while she was able to complete her unfinished degree. It was an answer to prayer.

Today, with even better employment due to attaining her full degree, the young mother has purchased her own beautiful brand new home, for herself and her children. Not only that, but she has met a wonderful man, who loves her and her children and has the greatest respect for the young mother and her great courage. The date is set, and the young mother is joyfully choosing her wedding gown and planning her wedding, as this blog is being written. So what of the childrens' biological father?

For so long it seemed to the young mother, that the father of her children had gotten off Scott free. He also reveled in believing that he had escaped the responsibilities of fatherhood. How many times the young mother would cry, that he had moved on, while she struggled to raise two children on her own. One day all that will change, her mother kept telling the young woman. And today, the father is still a ne'er-do-well, still with no ambition or any real job prospects, still living off his well-to-do mother ... but as a divorced father of two children, his dating options are slightly hampered. Worst of all, his two children, though they still love him, see him as a rather pathetic character who did not have what it took to be a real dad to them.

As the young woman has had to settle in another state for her new employment, the father does not see his children all that often anymore. But whether he sees them or not, his children will now see another man across the breakfast table every morning ... another man will help them with their homework ... tuck them in bed at night and accompany them with their mother throughout their lives ... while their biological father is 'left behind'. And do not think that this father is not feeling this now. He has gone from feeling Scott free to feeling aimless and alone. At long last, the tables have turned .. and the young woman is living a fulfilling new life with her children, whom she cared for all those years on her own, while her playboy ex-husband threw his fatherhood away.

And what has happened to the young mother's ex mother in law? Now she grieves over her son's fate, as the mother of the young woman grieved over her poor daughter's plight for so long. Now she realizes, as her grandchildren are raised by another man, that her son is the one to be "left behind".

This modern culture, which is the creation of the likes of men such as Hugh Hefner, has not only left women and girls in a vulnerable state and needing a Safe Place ... but I hope this story helps all you men and soon to be father's out there to realize, that you too are vulnerable, and that you are in very real danger of being "left behind".